Whats it like to have adhd?

Well first off although i have an official diagnosis for adhd i would have to say i almost certainly have other conditions too. I suspect i am an aspee (autistic aspergers). i was also diagnosed with dyslexia as a child although i dont think im dyslexic. I also have sleep problems and am supposed to use a breathing machine and facemask when i remember. I definately have some OCD mixed into my brain too as do other family members and i have a secret obsession with numbers and dates that if i told anyone the system they would think i was barking mad so i keep that to myself since im in control of it enough to hide it. Getting a diagnosis for a mental condition can be very hit and miss since the symtoms of the different conditions you can have widely overlap and it can be hard for doctors to tell one condition from the other. Having adhd drives you insane. quite literally. You can see yourself making the errors as you get older yet have little to no power to correct the symptoms. Being aware of my distractability makes me angry with myself for being distractable yet unable to fix it. My working memory is also very bad. The major symptom is not being able to take anything people are saying to you in easily. Like deaf people i have learned to just sub consciously nod in the correct places when people are talking to me to disguise the fact that my mind is miles away thinking about platos cave analogy whilst my mum is reading off a list of instructions i must follow. Its not that i dont care what people are saying its just that the chemicals in my brain do not work properly and a cannot resist the urge for my mind to wonder when its supposed to be listening and its very hard to switch my focus from one thing onto anouther.  Im not conscious when im nodding in the right places, its just a habbit i obviously use to cope with having to hide my disability. I often ask a question to someone and my brain is away instantly the moment my sentence is done and i simply dont take in the answer and have to ask again. Sometimes i also forget i already asked the question and people think im mad. I also regulary try to pay shop keepers my bill twice without realising. I sometimes find myself in a place with no recollection of why i went there. I often pace the room when stressed up and down up and down just thinking too hard. I often get up during the night multiple times to eat or go to the loo or drink something. Sometimes i sleepwalk but not often. I could spend all day listing my symptoms. Its like having your thoughts turned up to full volume and full strength focus energy and all else is drowned out and impossible to take in because the volume is too loud. I struggle to stop my brain from being very introverted and stuck inside. Its very hard to focus on external stimuli and i feel bombarded by my senses and overwhelmed with daily living and life. There is just too much to think about and keep track of. In short i struggle to switch my attention from one thing to the next. One minute my brain is hyperfocused like a lazer beam with obsessive energy that can keep me up all night thinking about whatever the perticular obsession of the time is the next minute my brain goes far too slow and im in a haze and feeling punch drunk with lowered inhibitions yet thinking on a frequency that allows me to see social patterns on a wide scale and things others cannot see because their brains are on a different wave type. Sometimes my haze is so bad that im thinking about being in a certain scene like at a party or something and my body or mouth actually acts it out as if im actually there and i pause to wonder if anyone noticed my strange behavior. It does not happen often and mostly when im alone at home fantasising about something. Its just that my thoughts can get so intense and loud the brain just for a second gets confused and acts as if my daydream is real and i for example wave to someone in my thoughts to say hello or laugh at something they said to me in my head. My sockpuppet tick hand sometimes also appears too but this has not happened for quite a while now. Its just like a wierd mental urge and desire to put up my left hand like an emu and then wiggle my fingers. It happens only if i get very stressed. My adhd means I simply have no middle gears only gears 1 and 5. The only way i know how to excell at something is to deliberately not try to resist getting obsessed with something. If im not obsessed i know myself well enough that i will simply get bored and drop out. My concept of time is obviously different from other peoples i have come to realise. I also realise my body is not fully in touch with my brain. Last year i broke my arm and ten minutes later i was carrying my shopping with it in the town until i decided to cycle to casualty to get it checked and the plaster casted it. I did not need painkillers for it since my brain simply is not fully connected to my body. Organising my life due to lack of planning ability is hard and i have no routine. I struggle on bad days just to make a cup of tea for a family visitor. Its easy to get demotivated when you see even your best efforts dont cure your distractability. I also have impulse control problems when not focused but this is getting better with age. So far i only succedded in one thing and that was getting my scuba diving instructor qualification. Learning to addapt is proving difficult for me as i seem to have had a period of worsening mental health since a bang on the head some years ago. In short adhd is not knowing weather you are comming or going...Its like watching events flash past you not knowing if its night or day. A kind of state of confusion when it comes to the concept of time.