ADHD - The Brain that screams for stimulation

What do you do when your brain is screaming out for stimulation 24hrs? ADHD is a hard thing to live with. Taking ritalin i have come to realise is also not going to help much either as no amount of amphetamine is going to satisfy my craving for whatever that feeling is and the hyper sexual side effects it gives you is not good. Some people report it killing their phisical ability for sex others report it sends it through the roof on the adhd forums. ADHD is said to involve nor-adrenalin problem in the brain and also dopamine deficiency. ADHD is deeply missunderstood condition and science has obviously not even begun to realise its hidden gift. most people just think it means your brain works slower. This is half true since the rest of the time the brain is working way too fast. I slip between the two states throughout the day constantly. ADHD also needs to be recognised for its benefits that some people with the condition show. My own theory is that adhd is very similar if not the same as post traumatic stress disorder caused by extreem stress that causes the brain to freeze in the hyper vigilant state. My brain is obviously working on a differend frequency to the norm which science has not even begun to realise the gifts that gives you in being able to see things nobody else can see through pure objective thinking and being aware of your own ego that clouds and distorts thinking. I have always had an autitic streak. My ability to see patterns in what most people would think was a casual coincidence relationship is phenomenal sometimes but proving patterns that are so widespread and right under everyones nose is next to impossible. I have an ability to have hyper empathy in some ways yet i have (what only appears to be) little empathy in other social uses sometimes due to people miss translating my lack of attention. Why is it im able to sniff out deception at a thousand yards?. Why is it 10 minutes later my brain is in the clouds with no sixth sense and then 10 minutes later its back again? Its so frustrating knowing that my behaviour and impulsive verbal outburst patterns give off totally the wrong impression to those who can only judge on reactiionary observation. I can see why people dont see the analitical abilities i have when i just shoot off the first thing that enters my head which is usually wrong. Its like a kind of torrets only without the bad language. The brain barrier that is supposed to release the chemical that says "no, dont say that out load wait for a moment" just does not function well in my head very often. ADHD is like having a brain injury...it destroys thought and behavioral barriors in the brain which are supposed to be their to prevent bad thoughts and social behavior much the same like torretes sufferers cant help but spew out the most evil language sometimes. Its not that they are evil, its just that they have a chemical malfunction and have trouble locking up those unwanted thoughts where they belong. If only society was more understanding of how chemical brain malfunction can cause people to think and do the most unwanted things and nobody is imune to such a condition striking them. Sadly we live in a world of reactionary thinkers who will always put bad behaviour down to bad charecture due to their inability to understand their own charecture and behavior can easily be altered by a simple change in chemistry. Ive decided im going to stop taking the ritalin slowly over the next weeks. It makes a big difference in how it makes me feel mentally since it reduces the stimulation craving of my brain but not so much difference in how i interact with the world so much and its like having your finger in the plug socket all day. My ability to motivate myself is still very badly impaired and my memory will never be 100% even on ritalin. Its such an artificial focus state being on ritalin and it reduces my ability to see patterns and use my analitical mind. I need to get super fit down at the gym and replace ritalin with natural endorphine rush. Ill only ever be suited to working by myself. My brain means ill always be kind of a semi recluse as i dont cope with crouds well at all and my thinking is just too different to other peoples to ever fit in well in the 9-5 work environment where taking instructions is essential. Ill only ever be suited to a self employed role. Im going to start building stained glass panels again soon as soon as i can afford the glass. Im also going to slowly return to doing the horsehair weaving and see if i can build it into a business. No reach for the stars goals this time that always lead me to give up...just a modest set of easy reachable goals to get where i want to be in ten years from now.....On a diveboat sailing round the med splitting my time between giving dive courses and doing charitable shallow water dives for disabled people. I will have to take ritalin if i go back to my dive work but there is no getting away from that. There is also no getting away from the fact its going to take a decade to save enough for a small boat most likely.